“The captive exile hastens, that he may be loosed, that he should not die in the pit, and that his bread should not fail.” Isaiah 51:14
Have you ever heard of someone digging a hole for himself with his words? “Keep talkin’,” the expression goes, “you’re digging yourself in deeper.” I’ve noticed there may be more to that expression than getting ourselves in hot water with a friend or loved one. Some of us may be trapped in pits of our own making without even realizing it.
We are adamant creatures. Once we get a notion in our noodles it can take, quite literally, an act of God to dislodge it. Maybe we see within ourselves certain behaviors or feel certain emotions that lead us to believe we were born with characteristics that are unchangeable. We are simply “that way” and we may as well embrace and defend it because there’s no changing it. Or maybe we have taken a certain position on a matter because we feel it is “right” or because we believe we have been told this by the Lord. This posture becomes an integral part of our lives, and we wouldn’t even consider separating ourselves from it. We make it an archetype, and we build on it. All that stuff on top of it makes it really difficult to remove. Difficult and embarrassing. A friend once joked he’d climbed the ladder only to find it was leaning against the wrong wall. That kind of insight sticks with you.
Job had that problem. He was a respectable and respected man, but clearly he held beliefs that were not built on God’s revelation. In the end, when Job was finally done justifying himself and asking God why all that tragedy happened to such a great guy as himself, he said this, “I lay my hand over my mouth. Once I have spoken, but I will not answer; Yes, twice, but I will proceed no further.” (Job 40:4,5) Job repented, and voilà! He was free and restored. As another friend said, “Sometimes shutting up is a pretty good idea.”
I have my own story along this line. About halfway through my FAA career, a few hundred colleagues and I were promised we would receive a pay increase negotiated with a bargaining unit (union) of which we were no longer a part. As the date for the pay adjustment approached, due to fiscal and political reasons, the decision was made to exclude us. Adding injury to insult, we were banned from transferring back to the bargaining unit (jobs for which we were qualified) prior to the effective date. The group spent years fighting to have that decision overturned. As for me, I maintained the belief this money was due and would come. My indignation, in my opinion, was wholly righteous. I was standing in faith.
I recently retired, and among the documents I collected to take with me were the personnel actions that documented my pay raises over the years. I was quite surprised to discover that even though FAA leadership never made the decision to make our group “whole”, my salary had increased substantially during the latter half of my career. I found, astonishingly, that my annuity after retirement was more than I earned during the pivotal year when we were excluded. I was immediately awash with shame at not recognizing the lavish provision from the Lord through all those years. I was ashamed of feeling slighted when I was so blessed. The lessons of Matthew 20:1-6 flooded my mind, and I felt sincere remorse for my smallness. I told the Lord I was sorry, right there on the spot, and I meant it. It’s the Lord who defines justice and gives it, not man. (Psalm 103:6)
A funny thing began to happen after my change of heart. I felt free. Free to be thankful for the FAA, imperfect as it is, and for the great career it gave me. Free to retire and pursue other giftings from God in my life. Free to seek provision from all kinds of sources, not just my biweekly Federal paycheck. I felt and feel very much like someone who has been pulled from a tight, closed-in space I couldn’t escape on my own.
How does the captive exile of Isaiah 51 hasten to be free? He or she repents. What if, when the prophet Nathan called out King David for his murderous covetousness, David had stuck to his guns? What if he had dug the hole of steadfastly maintaining that he was the king and he had every right to do as he pleased and get what he wanted? I doubt very much Jesus would have later announced Himself as the Root and the Offspring of David. What an honor! David came clean and accepted his just desserts. Pretty amazing when you think about it, for a King to respond swiftly and resolutely to a rebuke. Most people won’t even admit they cut someone off in traffic. David revealed the shepherd boy’s heart that Samuel had found in Jesse’s pasture was still beating in that royal chest. Of all the people whose stories are told in the Bible, David is the one I most admire and want to meet.
What can we say to these things? Like Paul, our consciences are clear, but that doesn’t make us innocent. (1 Corinthians 4:4) The Lord judges us because oftentimes we are incapable of judging ourselves. He’s the one who pricks our consciences, just as he did Paul’s. He’s the one who sends us friends like Nathan to point out the things to which we’ve blinded ourselves. He’s the one who opened my eyes to make me see how far my perspective was from His. More than once.
When – not if – when we find we have to do a lot of defending and justifying, to ourselves and to others, it’s probably time for an honest “come to Jesus meeting”. Admitting we’re wrong is no fun at all. Especially admitting we’ve been wrong for years. Extra especially admitting we’re wrong after we’ve done lots of defending. But the alternative is so much worse. Trust me on this.